Compassionate Christian Friends of Lesbians and Gays
Help, someone I love is gay..
In keeping with the philosophy of this site we will look at two views on how to
respond.  I will put them side by side.  What follows is a brief guide.  You will
want to check the references at the bottom of the page for more information.
A Word About References Used on this Site
I refer to a variety of web sites and resources on these pages.  If you are
GLBT you may be surprised at some of the resources I use.  If you are a
conservative Christian or just plain Christian you may be surprised at some of
the resources I use as well.

My use of any resource should not be interpreted as an endorsement of the
entirety of that resource, web site, or viewpoint (unless of course I am
referring to the Bible). I do this because GLBT's and conservative Christians
often affirm very different resources.  In order to speak to everyone who
visits this website I must use a variety of resources.  This is critical if we are
to understand each other.
.
View from the Left (Side A)
When a friend says "I'm gay"

  • Realize that the person who has
    come out must trust you a lot to
    share this about themselves.

  • They must value the friendship/
    relationship they have with you
    for them to share this with you.

  • They have been honest with you.  
    Now you must be honest with
    yourself and with them.

  • Make an effort to understand the
    realities of what it means to be a
    GLBT individual.

  • Take time to work through your
    feelings.

  • Ask your friend any questions
    you might have so that you can
    understand them better such as:
-When did you know?
-What was it like growing up?

  • Don't be afraid to be honest.  If
    this news makes you feel
    awkward tell them.

  • Be careful not to 'out' them to
    other people.

  • Ask your friend who knows
    about their orientation so you
    don't 'out' them by accident.

  • Give yourself and your friend
    time.

  • Be supportive of them.


(The above was gleaned from some
pamphlets from PFLAG and the Human
Rights Campaign.)
View from the Right (Side B)
When a friend says "I'm gay"

  • Work on deepening your
    friendship.

  • Pray for your friendship.

  • Be open about your own struggles.

  • Mention homosexuality in a
    neutral context.

  • For non- Christian friends: share
    Christ as you would any other
    person.  Do NOT make
    homosexuality the primary point
    of your evangelistic
    conversations.

  • For Christian friends: talk to
    them lovingly as you would a
    heterosexual friend who is
    pursuing sex outside of marriage.

  • Love and accept you loved one
    where he or she is.

  • Learn about homosexuality.

  • Forgive the past and make
    amends.

  • Empathize by remembering your
    own vulnerabilities to sin.

  • Build up your loved one.

  • Do not play the role of the Holy
    Spirit

  • Let go of expectations.

  • Give them the gift of time.

(The above information was gleaned
from a Love Won Out Brochure ! )
Help ... Someone I love is gay...
References and Web Sites for Further Information
Note: In keeping with the philosophy of this site I include web sites from both
sides of the issue.  It is best to learn all you can.